Wednesday, December 19, 2012
I'm so dumb
I should NOT hurt when I see he's hanging out with another girl! I. Am. So. Idiotic. What is wrong with me? Why can't he just...leave? January 30th...come on now...
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
I miss Austin. I was talking to dez about him, and you know I was telling stories and showing her pictures and it was fun, but now I just feel lonely. And that feels pathetic. I mean I miss people close to me, but I dont really hurt about it, and yet I do about a guy I hardly knew.
sucks.
~Marcy Elaine
sucks.
~Marcy Elaine
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Haven't Had Enough
So I basically decided (as cheesy as this sounds) that this is my theme song for this whole situation
At least my theme song is catchy and up beat.
I'm not going to go all moopy or none of that. I mean, it's sad, but nothing I could do about that. But that being said, don't think I'm giving up. I'm not saying I'm going to go move to utah to track him down (har har) but if that opportunity does arise, you better believe I'm taking it.
~Marcy Elaine
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Epiphany
okay so I actually had this thought awhile ago after I was complaining to you about my mom (I don't remember what it was about, but I'm pretty sure I said "shit" so it was something upsetting) and not being able to do anything right in this house. I wish I wrote it down then because I forgot half of my thought process, but that's besides the point. So I was all pissy about the way my mom treats me.
But than I realized, I do the exact same thing to her.
I always complain how I can't do anything right in her eyes... but haven' I've been doing the exact same thing to her? If she goes in one direction of parenting, she's not doing it right, if she goes into another, she's not doing it right. I realized that I am doing to my mom exactly what she is doing to me. And I know it hurts me, but I can't even imagine what it does to her. And that's just wrong. And I've felt horrible about it.
It's just frustrating because it's so hard to change that mindset. But I'm working on it. But I honestly think I judge my mother too prematurely, and I really need to start changing that. I need to be more willing. She's not trying to be the bad guy. She's not trying to drive me crazy. She's trying to do what's best for me. And I just get so caught up that what she thinks is best and what I think is best are two different things. It's hard, but I'm sincerely going to try.
I'm hoping me and my dad can get lights on the trees outside before my mom gets back from bakersfield. we don't decorate our house. We sometimes do the palm trees, but I wanted to do all the trees, I think it would look great. So she's letting me. And I just want to show her I appreciate that. And also, it's a nice thing to come home to.
~Marcy Elaine
But than I realized, I do the exact same thing to her.
I always complain how I can't do anything right in her eyes... but haven' I've been doing the exact same thing to her? If she goes in one direction of parenting, she's not doing it right, if she goes into another, she's not doing it right. I realized that I am doing to my mom exactly what she is doing to me. And I know it hurts me, but I can't even imagine what it does to her. And that's just wrong. And I've felt horrible about it.
It's just frustrating because it's so hard to change that mindset. But I'm working on it. But I honestly think I judge my mother too prematurely, and I really need to start changing that. I need to be more willing. She's not trying to be the bad guy. She's not trying to drive me crazy. She's trying to do what's best for me. And I just get so caught up that what she thinks is best and what I think is best are two different things. It's hard, but I'm sincerely going to try.
I'm hoping me and my dad can get lights on the trees outside before my mom gets back from bakersfield. we don't decorate our house. We sometimes do the palm trees, but I wanted to do all the trees, I think it would look great. So she's letting me. And I just want to show her I appreciate that. And also, it's a nice thing to come home to.
~Marcy Elaine
Opportunities
It never ceases to amaze me and terrify me the impact we have on others and the impact they have on us. How just a millisecond encounter could change the course of our lives. How we’d be completely different people if we didn’t have a certain friend in kindergarten. How if I walked down this hallway or that hallway could change the course of my life.
It sorta sounds silly at first. How whether I decide to stop and re-tie my shoelaces now, or wait till I get where I’m going can change everything. Sometimes it doesn’t. But sometimes it does. Sometimes that’s how we meet the people that shape our lives. Sometimes that delay of tying your shoelaces will butterfly effect and change a life decision like moving, or anything really. Meeting someone that will be inseparable from you.... just because you decided to tie your shoelaces.
I suppose in certain situations we are giving multiply opportunities to have someone impact us. Let’s face it, I would have been stuck with Ashlynne whether or not we shared toys that one time. Fictitious story, maybe it’s true, but I’m sure my point is clear. So that was lucky. But what about the other relationships we have in life. Where do most of your friends come from? Your enemies? Your spouse? Just those split moments.
Look back on it. Think of all those relationships that started on spur of the moment... moments. I can account for two of my friends because I came to class early and they were there, talking about something I was equally obsessed with. I became friends with Desiree (she later told me) because there was a discussion at lunch, that everyone pretty much agreed with (We don’t recall the discussion at all), but I said something that Desiree was thinking, that was different from everyone, but wasn’t going to voice because she was new to the school. That friendship spurred from that one moment. Not to say we wouldn’t have other opportunities to bond, but our friendship would be completely different. Really, it would. What would happen if I didn’t say that one thing?
Friendships aren’t really the thing that scare me. I feel like the people I was meant to be friends with for the rest of my life were practically provided for me. Again, take Ashlynne for example. If I missed the first chance to become friends with her, there was a second chance, and a third... and a 284363890th chance. Truly. I’m lucky that I was given those chances. I would not be the same without her, and I’m sure she’d feel the same. See? If I hadn’t had met her, I don’t think I would ever have a friend that I would be so close to that I could say something like that. I honestly don’t think I would.
But those split moments....
The thing that scares me is meeting the person that I could be with forever. Okay, so I’m not exactly a believer in soul mates. I do think some people were better matched than others, but still. I believe we have many people on this Earth that we are compatible to learn and love and grow with. Someone you could have a family with. I really do think that. But as many chances as there are... there are so few. What happens then? What happens when you miss that chance to be with someone that you could be with for the rest of your life? You get another chance with someone else? But what if you miss that chance too? There are so many choices in life. So many little ones that we don’t even consciously make. Tying your shoelaces. Should I wear these shoes or those ones? Rush to work or take your time? Sit in the institute looking at your blog or going outside and writing some sappy thing on your laptop? So many. It’s overwhelming when you think about it really.
Now, I don’t really think there are wrong choices with any of these. Do one thing, it could lead to this, do another thing it could lead to that. Or maybe in the same thing. I’m not saying I’ve screwed up on my decision to wear sweatpants this morning. But those missed opportunities. They just eat at me.
I knew I was going to talk about this, but I feel stupid for it anyway. I’m not saying Austin was going to be the “one” or any crap like that. I mean, we get along, we're friends, but really, who am I to judge that. But all I’m saying is what if. I could say what if about anyone really, not just him, but since he’s the reason I hurt right now, I’m going to talk about it. Ha.... when this life is over, he’s going to see this, me talking about him this way and it’s going to be awkward. But I’m just going to try to ignore that for now.
I wish I knew. I wish I knew I was going to feel like this. Maybe I could have done things a little differently. There was time before he knew he was getting accepted and going to be leaving. There was time. There were opportunities. All missed. What if? What if things were differently?
I’ve felt this way before, mourning for something that’s never happened because I know it’s never going to happen. I’ve done it with friendship. I’ve even done it with crushes. But, never has it hurt like this. When ever I think of how this semester ends and I’m probably never going to see him again, I honestly want to cry. It’s not just a feeling, I physically have to stop myself from crying. It sounds pathetic, but it’s true. What if I could say something, something, I don’t know, that would allow me to see him later, to be closer friends? But I don’t know what that is. How am I ever suppose to know what I could do to another human that would make them think of me every once in awhile. Anyone really. What could I do?
Ashlynne and I were lucky. We were solid when she moved. But I don’t have that here. I just get so sad when I think about this semester ending. I guess I always get this way at the end of something significant in life, but not like this. Never like this. There was so much potential that I missed out on. And I’m not just talking about Austin. Friendships. Relationships. It makes me want to cry too thinking Sister Gurrero might not be at institute next semester. I’m sad there were opportunities I missed out on to be closer to her. Truly, she’s changed my life.
I feel sorta heartless for saying this, but even with her, she could be out of my life, and I’d be fine. She will always have an impact on my life that no one else could replace or take away. But when I’m away from her, I’ll be fine. I won’t keep myself up late at night because of it. But Austin... I don’t know. I just haven’t felt like this before. Like I’m really missing out on something.
Maybe I just feel like I’m missing out on a great friendship. maybe I’m missing out on a relationship, even if it was casual. Maybe I am missing out on something bigger. How am I suppose to know? How do I even get the opportunity to know? I plugged my ears in one day instead of hanging out with everyone else. Who’s to say that might not have changed everything?
I’m going to miss him. And it’s more than I miss Ashlynne or my brothers. I know I probably won’t ever see him again.
All my opportunities are gone. And truly, it’s heartbreaking.
~Marcy Elaine
It sorta sounds silly at first. How whether I decide to stop and re-tie my shoelaces now, or wait till I get where I’m going can change everything. Sometimes it doesn’t. But sometimes it does. Sometimes that’s how we meet the people that shape our lives. Sometimes that delay of tying your shoelaces will butterfly effect and change a life decision like moving, or anything really. Meeting someone that will be inseparable from you.... just because you decided to tie your shoelaces.
I suppose in certain situations we are giving multiply opportunities to have someone impact us. Let’s face it, I would have been stuck with Ashlynne whether or not we shared toys that one time. Fictitious story, maybe it’s true, but I’m sure my point is clear. So that was lucky. But what about the other relationships we have in life. Where do most of your friends come from? Your enemies? Your spouse? Just those split moments.
Look back on it. Think of all those relationships that started on spur of the moment... moments. I can account for two of my friends because I came to class early and they were there, talking about something I was equally obsessed with. I became friends with Desiree (she later told me) because there was a discussion at lunch, that everyone pretty much agreed with (We don’t recall the discussion at all), but I said something that Desiree was thinking, that was different from everyone, but wasn’t going to voice because she was new to the school. That friendship spurred from that one moment. Not to say we wouldn’t have other opportunities to bond, but our friendship would be completely different. Really, it would. What would happen if I didn’t say that one thing?
Friendships aren’t really the thing that scare me. I feel like the people I was meant to be friends with for the rest of my life were practically provided for me. Again, take Ashlynne for example. If I missed the first chance to become friends with her, there was a second chance, and a third... and a 284363890th chance. Truly. I’m lucky that I was given those chances. I would not be the same without her, and I’m sure she’d feel the same. See? If I hadn’t had met her, I don’t think I would ever have a friend that I would be so close to that I could say something like that. I honestly don’t think I would.
But those split moments....
The thing that scares me is meeting the person that I could be with forever. Okay, so I’m not exactly a believer in soul mates. I do think some people were better matched than others, but still. I believe we have many people on this Earth that we are compatible to learn and love and grow with. Someone you could have a family with. I really do think that. But as many chances as there are... there are so few. What happens then? What happens when you miss that chance to be with someone that you could be with for the rest of your life? You get another chance with someone else? But what if you miss that chance too? There are so many choices in life. So many little ones that we don’t even consciously make. Tying your shoelaces. Should I wear these shoes or those ones? Rush to work or take your time? Sit in the institute looking at your blog or going outside and writing some sappy thing on your laptop? So many. It’s overwhelming when you think about it really.
Now, I don’t really think there are wrong choices with any of these. Do one thing, it could lead to this, do another thing it could lead to that. Or maybe in the same thing. I’m not saying I’ve screwed up on my decision to wear sweatpants this morning. But those missed opportunities. They just eat at me.
I knew I was going to talk about this, but I feel stupid for it anyway. I’m not saying Austin was going to be the “one” or any crap like that. I mean, we get along, we're friends, but really, who am I to judge that. But all I’m saying is what if. I could say what if about anyone really, not just him, but since he’s the reason I hurt right now, I’m going to talk about it. Ha.... when this life is over, he’s going to see this, me talking about him this way and it’s going to be awkward. But I’m just going to try to ignore that for now.
I wish I knew. I wish I knew I was going to feel like this. Maybe I could have done things a little differently. There was time before he knew he was getting accepted and going to be leaving. There was time. There were opportunities. All missed. What if? What if things were differently?
I’ve felt this way before, mourning for something that’s never happened because I know it’s never going to happen. I’ve done it with friendship. I’ve even done it with crushes. But, never has it hurt like this. When ever I think of how this semester ends and I’m probably never going to see him again, I honestly want to cry. It’s not just a feeling, I physically have to stop myself from crying. It sounds pathetic, but it’s true. What if I could say something, something, I don’t know, that would allow me to see him later, to be closer friends? But I don’t know what that is. How am I ever suppose to know what I could do to another human that would make them think of me every once in awhile. Anyone really. What could I do?
Ashlynne and I were lucky. We were solid when she moved. But I don’t have that here. I just get so sad when I think about this semester ending. I guess I always get this way at the end of something significant in life, but not like this. Never like this. There was so much potential that I missed out on. And I’m not just talking about Austin. Friendships. Relationships. It makes me want to cry too thinking Sister Gurrero might not be at institute next semester. I’m sad there were opportunities I missed out on to be closer to her. Truly, she’s changed my life.
I feel sorta heartless for saying this, but even with her, she could be out of my life, and I’d be fine. She will always have an impact on my life that no one else could replace or take away. But when I’m away from her, I’ll be fine. I won’t keep myself up late at night because of it. But Austin... I don’t know. I just haven’t felt like this before. Like I’m really missing out on something.
Maybe I just feel like I’m missing out on a great friendship. maybe I’m missing out on a relationship, even if it was casual. Maybe I am missing out on something bigger. How am I suppose to know? How do I even get the opportunity to know? I plugged my ears in one day instead of hanging out with everyone else. Who’s to say that might not have changed everything?
I’m going to miss him. And it’s more than I miss Ashlynne or my brothers. I know I probably won’t ever see him again.
All my opportunities are gone. And truly, it’s heartbreaking.
~Marcy Elaine
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Please Mr. Postman
do you know how much better my week has been knowing I'm getting a package from you? I'm so excited! I could care less if there were just packing peanuts in there. I can't wait hahah
~Marcy Elaine
~Marcy Elaine
Friday, November 30, 2012
:I
I can't find my flash drive that basically has THE LAST 6 YEARS OF MY LIFE on it. and on top of that, my scanner is not working and I can't scan my art.
Not. Happy.
Not. Happy.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Saturday, November 24, 2012
I'm freaking tired
Really it's only hard at night...
When I slow down a bit and have time to think about the fact that I've broken up with Mr. Perfect. It is very sad, and I've gotten good at hiding it. I try and think of all the guys I can go on dates with, all this free time that I will have, and when those dont work, I go Christmas shopping, or do math homework before its due (yeah. I KNOW.), or offer to make spreadsheets on Excel for my boss.
Anything to distract me. It's really only hard at night.
Well, on the bright side, I'm done with all of my Christmas shopping :) oh, and I'm going to this super exclusive Smash Ball, is what it's called. A convention of 40 smash bookers, exchanging ideas and looking at new product before it comes out and getting a ton of free stuff. Because I am that cool.
AND someone commented on a foxy post whom I don't know! And people are repinning my outfits on Pinterest!
At least I'm doing something right :P
When I slow down a bit and have time to think about the fact that I've broken up with Mr. Perfect. It is very sad, and I've gotten good at hiding it. I try and think of all the guys I can go on dates with, all this free time that I will have, and when those dont work, I go Christmas shopping, or do math homework before its due (yeah. I KNOW.), or offer to make spreadsheets on Excel for my boss.
Anything to distract me. It's really only hard at night.
Well, on the bright side, I'm done with all of my Christmas shopping :) oh, and I'm going to this super exclusive Smash Ball, is what it's called. A convention of 40 smash bookers, exchanging ideas and looking at new product before it comes out and getting a ton of free stuff. Because I am that cool.
AND someone commented on a foxy post whom I don't know! And people are repinning my outfits on Pinterest!
At least I'm doing something right :P
A habit of mine
I just realized...I tend to watch and listen and obsess over Les Mis after break ups. Helps with the healing :P I am SUCH a nerd
Friday, November 23, 2012
Look what I got today!
This blog is just becoming a collection of pictures of me XD
Excuse my hair, it's literally being held up by office supplies. A rubber band and two paper clips.
I don't know why it's not working
Nothing will let me comment on your posts. So we will improvise haha hope you don't mind
That's got to be hard. You haven't been there in five years, and then your first time back, you're basically alone. And mad at your mom. And wanting a cat. I hope the food was at least worth the four hour drive, because the circumstances weren't all that great.
You and I both seem to have that issue. We are both reliant on others to keep a conversation going with distant family members. I understand the feeling. At least there was Charlie and the chocolate factory :)
That's got to be hard. You haven't been there in five years, and then your first time back, you're basically alone. And mad at your mom. And wanting a cat. I hope the food was at least worth the four hour drive, because the circumstances weren't all that great.
You and I both seem to have that issue. We are both reliant on others to keep a conversation going with distant family members. I understand the feeling. At least there was Charlie and the chocolate factory :)
Thursday, November 22, 2012
this is exactly what I posted on tumblr
So my parents and I are going up to my grandma’s for thanksgiving this year (which is four hours away). We used to go up for thanksgiving every year, but the past five years things like work and stuff have gotten in the way so we haven’t. Going up there is just fine but this is going to my first time going up to my grandma’s without any of my brothers. My brothers were always the one that would engage with my cousins and stuff, and I’d tag along. Which is just fine, but I’m not instigating anything, and I just feel like they feel like I have to entertain them with my company and I just—
I just miss my brothers
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Oh My
So frustrated that it won't let me comment lol (too lazy to go upstairs to a computer) but I LOVE your bangs, they look seriously amazing. You pull them off way better than I ever did Hana nicely done :)
So I was ok, I was FINE. But now it's night and now I'm sad. Perhaps I'll write a poem. But that never helps. Why...why is this so blasted hard if it was the right thing to do? Why do I have to occupy every spare moment of my life in order to get over how difficult this is? WHY did he have a plan to go to Village Inn with Anna Jefferies after midnight the night that we talked about breaking up? Sunday night?
...sorry if I'm being dramatic, or jumping to conclusions, or being a downer. I just need to release some of this, and I might as well try as early as now. Bottling it up never really works out for me.
I don't want this to be like the other break ups. I won't be able to handle it if it ends up like my break up at this time last year. Man I really am sorry for acting this way, I feel like I shouldn't complain, it was a mutual decision. But that doesn't make the nights any easier.
...thoughts?
So I was ok, I was FINE. But now it's night and now I'm sad. Perhaps I'll write a poem. But that never helps. Why...why is this so blasted hard if it was the right thing to do? Why do I have to occupy every spare moment of my life in order to get over how difficult this is? WHY did he have a plan to go to Village Inn with Anna Jefferies after midnight the night that we talked about breaking up? Sunday night?
...sorry if I'm being dramatic, or jumping to conclusions, or being a downer. I just need to release some of this, and I might as well try as early as now. Bottling it up never really works out for me.
I don't want this to be like the other break ups. I won't be able to handle it if it ends up like my break up at this time last year. Man I really am sorry for acting this way, I feel like I shouldn't complain, it was a mutual decision. But that doesn't make the nights any easier.
...thoughts?
Monday, November 19, 2012
It's time
So this is the It's Time layered version I told you about. Basically same song, just started at different times. It's kinda amazing. Instead of giving a link I just put it in a blank video for you to listen to.
so I had a fabulous moment at the GYM today
So at the GYM I was scoping out this guy there who had thick dirty blonde hair and a tattoo. I'm sorry, tattoos are either a the biggest turn off or biggest turn on for me. I can't help it. Anywho.
So I was about to leave and I was putting my workout card in this file cabinet where they're all kept and I put my card in and closed it, just as the guy come up to put his card away.
So I was like, oh I'm sorry, and he just gave me the SWEETEST SMILE and said it was alright.
It was so fantastic because I totally gave him a smile back that was all like "wow. you're really cute."
And you could TOTALLY tell he had a moment where he was at least to "pretty hair..."
I don't even care if he just liked my hair and nothing more. It freakin' made him smile.
Shortest flirting experience of my life that I didn't instigate: Success
~Marcy Elaine
So I was about to leave and I was putting my workout card in this file cabinet where they're all kept and I put my card in and closed it, just as the guy come up to put his card away.
So I was like, oh I'm sorry, and he just gave me the SWEETEST SMILE and said it was alright.
It was so fantastic because I totally gave him a smile back that was all like "wow. you're really cute."
And you could TOTALLY tell he had a moment where he was at least to "pretty hair..."
I don't even care if he just liked my hair and nothing more. It freakin' made him smile.
Shortest flirting experience of my life that I didn't instigate: Success
~Marcy Elaine
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Friday, November 16, 2012
Thursday, November 15, 2012
The 18th of every month
The 18th is mine and Steve's month anniversary. We always do a special date, among other dates during the month. Duh, you'd go on dates with your significant other as much as possible, right?
Well, Sunday is the 18th. The closest thing was a date on saturday but...he has work. I found out...today. After not being able to talk to him for three days due to the fact that his phone went capute.
And you know, it wouldn't be that big of a deal if we'd have gone on a date recently. But the last date we went on was on...October 18th. And maybe that would fly in some relationships. But that is never how ours has been. And I know that he is busy with work, he always has been. Is not like the business has increased. So I don't understand what on earth is happening to my relationship. The only times that I have seen him this past month have been on Sundays where we go to church with each other, or on Wednesday mornings when we make waffles for the institute students.
But we don't do Wednesdays anymore. And we haven't gone on a date in a month. And he went three days without talking to me, and that was even with me sending Facebook messages to him. You know the horrible thing about Facebook? It tells you when someone has read the message that you sent them. He read them, just didn't reply. And he didn't tell me that he has work Saturday night until I asked him, since he got his new phone today.
I can't remember the last time he told me he loves me. And I honestly- HONESTLY- cannot remember the last time that I felt good about my relationship with him. Sometime in between six and seven months, something changed.
I just want to shake him, ask him if he realizes how much I am hurting, how I nearly cry when I text him saying "I love you" and he responds with a smiley face or "that was random but thank you" what on earth does he think that does to me? After nine months, you'd like my own boyfriend would know, any man with a brain should KNOW that when a woman says I love you, and you feel the same, you say it back to her. "I love you too."
I dunno, Marcy. I've tried to talk to him about it, and its always "well Ashlynne, you know I'm busy." "I'm tired, babe. You should just go home now. No, I know it's nine. You know my work schedule." "That's random...but thank you." "No. I dont think I'll be able to make it by your house to say good bye to Mitch before he leaves."
Even though he left on a Wednesday morning, later than you would get up to help me with waffles, the firs t week we stopped making them, and after a night of playing dungeons and dragons with your friends.
What the hell.
Well, Sunday is the 18th. The closest thing was a date on saturday but...he has work. I found out...today. After not being able to talk to him for three days due to the fact that his phone went capute.
And you know, it wouldn't be that big of a deal if we'd have gone on a date recently. But the last date we went on was on...October 18th. And maybe that would fly in some relationships. But that is never how ours has been. And I know that he is busy with work, he always has been. Is not like the business has increased. So I don't understand what on earth is happening to my relationship. The only times that I have seen him this past month have been on Sundays where we go to church with each other, or on Wednesday mornings when we make waffles for the institute students.
But we don't do Wednesdays anymore. And we haven't gone on a date in a month. And he went three days without talking to me, and that was even with me sending Facebook messages to him. You know the horrible thing about Facebook? It tells you when someone has read the message that you sent them. He read them, just didn't reply. And he didn't tell me that he has work Saturday night until I asked him, since he got his new phone today.
I can't remember the last time he told me he loves me. And I honestly- HONESTLY- cannot remember the last time that I felt good about my relationship with him. Sometime in between six and seven months, something changed.
I just want to shake him, ask him if he realizes how much I am hurting, how I nearly cry when I text him saying "I love you" and he responds with a smiley face or "that was random but thank you" what on earth does he think that does to me? After nine months, you'd like my own boyfriend would know, any man with a brain should KNOW that when a woman says I love you, and you feel the same, you say it back to her. "I love you too."
I dunno, Marcy. I've tried to talk to him about it, and its always "well Ashlynne, you know I'm busy." "I'm tired, babe. You should just go home now. No, I know it's nine. You know my work schedule." "That's random...but thank you." "No. I dont think I'll be able to make it by your house to say good bye to Mitch before he leaves."
Even though he left on a Wednesday morning, later than you would get up to help me with waffles, the firs t week we stopped making them, and after a night of playing dungeons and dragons with your friends.
What the hell.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Bloody Brilliant!
That moment when you finish the fourth Harry Potter book, and dread the day that you finish the seventh, becuase then the Harry Potter experience will be over.
And then you realize just how many Harry Potter memes there are on Pinterest, and you feel much, much better.
And then you realize just how many Harry Potter memes there are on Pinterest, and you feel much, much better.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Skrillex
I'm just posting this here because I think it's hilarious you don't know who Skrillex is. I really want to know your reaction XD
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cR2XilcGYOo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cR2XilcGYOo
Thursday, November 8, 2012
I'm Trying so Hard
Marcy...
I am trying so hard to be happy, and to be positive, and to keep going, keep pushing, keep trying to do everything that I have piled onto my plate that I honestly thought I could handle. I thought that I could do school and work full time and Institute Council and my calling in Primary, and still be able to go on a date with my boyfriend, do my homework, read Harry Potter, and somehow be able to get at least five hours of sleep at night.
But I can't. I just cannot do it anymore. I never see anyone that I care about, and when I do see them, I'm so tired and frazzled and stressed that I don't enjoy the moments that I have with them. I skip class to do things for Institute Council, and I skip things for Institute Council to go to class or do homework. I try and do homework at work, and then get frustrated when the phone rings because it's disturbing my thought process when I nearly understood that math problem.
And then I never ever want to be at home, because unlike your situation where it's so quiet at home all the time, there is never a peaceful moment at my house. My mom being frustrated with Mitchell for not doing scripture study, my dad trying to talk to my mom about modifying the budget, Vanessa being a terrorist, and my Grandma...Marcy she is the WORST. She is on top of all of us for everything that we do wrong, like is just the perfect human being.
And yesterday, we found out that we are in fact keeping Vanessa longer than we had planned. It was going to be that we were going to resign it all this coming July 1st. But financially...my dad just told us that we can't make it without her. Which sounds horrible, I know it does. But we just...can't do it without her income.
I found this out first from my mom, as did Mitchell and my Grandma. And then later last night, my dad sat the three of us down to further explain the reasoning behind it. When he was done, he said "does anyone have a comment, or anything to say?"
Grandma: "I'll go last. I have plenty to say."
Marcy, once she said this, I just couldn't take it. I couldn't. Earlier that night, I talked to the Institute council president, Brendan, and told him that I can't do Council anymore. I signed up for my classes for next semester, and they're all hard. And there's five of them. That's the most I've ever taken at once. He assured me that he appreciates what I've done, and blah blah.
But I feel like a failure. Like I signed up for something, and now I can't, and becuase I resigned, that means I've done a half-assed (sorry...) job. And I hate that. I feel cowardly for quitting, and I was already having a bad day. And I have just been trying SO HARD to do it all, and I canNOT.
So I said "No, I have no comment. And I don't really want to stick around to hear anything else." And I stood up and started to leave the room.
And my Grandma...my Grandma. She stands up and says "You are JUST like your mother. You don't want to face any hardship that comes, you SHOULD go out and live in the real world. You're PATHETIC."
I am nearly crying right now. That hurt to the core, Marcy. She is constantly talking down on everyone, but especially my mother. Saying she doesn't do anything, that she abuses my dad, and that she is a horrible person. And while I do think that she could improve in some areas, I don't agree with my Grandma.
I don't want you to think that you can't come here anymore, let's keep that plan alive. I just...needed to tell someone how I feel right now. I'm trying to FREAKING hard to do everything that I'm supposed to. And then, when I try and fix my heavy load, and even though it made me feel like a failure, I did it and even after that, for a few moments, I tried to stay positive. And then MY GRANDMA told me that I'm pathetic and avoid hardships.
My heart hurts.
I am trying so hard to be happy, and to be positive, and to keep going, keep pushing, keep trying to do everything that I have piled onto my plate that I honestly thought I could handle. I thought that I could do school and work full time and Institute Council and my calling in Primary, and still be able to go on a date with my boyfriend, do my homework, read Harry Potter, and somehow be able to get at least five hours of sleep at night.
But I can't. I just cannot do it anymore. I never see anyone that I care about, and when I do see them, I'm so tired and frazzled and stressed that I don't enjoy the moments that I have with them. I skip class to do things for Institute Council, and I skip things for Institute Council to go to class or do homework. I try and do homework at work, and then get frustrated when the phone rings because it's disturbing my thought process when I nearly understood that math problem.
And then I never ever want to be at home, because unlike your situation where it's so quiet at home all the time, there is never a peaceful moment at my house. My mom being frustrated with Mitchell for not doing scripture study, my dad trying to talk to my mom about modifying the budget, Vanessa being a terrorist, and my Grandma...Marcy she is the WORST. She is on top of all of us for everything that we do wrong, like is just the perfect human being.
And yesterday, we found out that we are in fact keeping Vanessa longer than we had planned. It was going to be that we were going to resign it all this coming July 1st. But financially...my dad just told us that we can't make it without her. Which sounds horrible, I know it does. But we just...can't do it without her income.
I found this out first from my mom, as did Mitchell and my Grandma. And then later last night, my dad sat the three of us down to further explain the reasoning behind it. When he was done, he said "does anyone have a comment, or anything to say?"
Grandma: "I'll go last. I have plenty to say."
Marcy, once she said this, I just couldn't take it. I couldn't. Earlier that night, I talked to the Institute council president, Brendan, and told him that I can't do Council anymore. I signed up for my classes for next semester, and they're all hard. And there's five of them. That's the most I've ever taken at once. He assured me that he appreciates what I've done, and blah blah.
But I feel like a failure. Like I signed up for something, and now I can't, and becuase I resigned, that means I've done a half-assed (sorry...) job. And I hate that. I feel cowardly for quitting, and I was already having a bad day. And I have just been trying SO HARD to do it all, and I canNOT.
So I said "No, I have no comment. And I don't really want to stick around to hear anything else." And I stood up and started to leave the room.
And my Grandma...my Grandma. She stands up and says "You are JUST like your mother. You don't want to face any hardship that comes, you SHOULD go out and live in the real world. You're PATHETIC."
I am nearly crying right now. That hurt to the core, Marcy. She is constantly talking down on everyone, but especially my mother. Saying she doesn't do anything, that she abuses my dad, and that she is a horrible person. And while I do think that she could improve in some areas, I don't agree with my Grandma.
I don't want you to think that you can't come here anymore, let's keep that plan alive. I just...needed to tell someone how I feel right now. I'm trying to FREAKING hard to do everything that I'm supposed to. And then, when I try and fix my heavy load, and even though it made me feel like a failure, I did it and even after that, for a few moments, I tried to stay positive. And then MY GRANDMA told me that I'm pathetic and avoid hardships.
My heart hurts.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Monday, November 5, 2012
I'm so sick of this
I'm sick of this damned if I don't damned if I do attitude with my mom. Do something to my hair, unacceptable Do nothing to my hair, unacceptable. Go out and try to get a job, you should be home doing chores. At home doing chores, you should find a job. Sleep in, I need structure. Don't sleep, you need to sleep more. Spend all my free time drawing, i should work on some obscure paper. On the computer, I need to get off the computer. Try to spend time with my family, I need to spend more time with people my age. Spend time with people my age, I need to spend more time at home. Hint at leaving home, hint I should stay at home. When I sound like I'm too comfortable at home she talks about moving to Utah.
It's so frustrating. I can't do anything even a little right. The only thing she seems to approve of is me cleaning and I STILL get criticism on it. I just --- UGH.
It's so frustrating. I can't do anything even a little right. The only thing she seems to approve of is me cleaning and I STILL get criticism on it. I just --- UGH.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
so
I told my parents that when brave comes out we are renting it and watching it.
but now I'm nervous because I'm pretty sure I'll cry during it and I don't want to cry in front of my parents haha
but now I'm nervous because I'm pretty sure I'll cry during it and I don't want to cry in front of my parents haha
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Thursday, November 1, 2012
As of Late
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTZQsGF5Gog
This is my new favorite. I honestly don't know why, it wasn't very popular for me when you first gave it to me, but at the beginning of the week, it became my happy, dance in the car, wear my aviators, roll down the windows in 45 degree weather kind of song.
It DESERVES to be a blog post.
-Ashlynne Rose
This is my new favorite. I honestly don't know why, it wasn't very popular for me when you first gave it to me, but at the beginning of the week, it became my happy, dance in the car, wear my aviators, roll down the windows in 45 degree weather kind of song.
It DESERVES to be a blog post.
-Ashlynne Rose
Dear Ashlynne
Dear heavens, I just wrote dear Ashlynne and it’s already cheesier than I can handle. But i’ll try to get over it.
So I didn’t realize this really till after we talked, and it’s probably best that I did because I wouldn’t be able to say it anyway.
But it’s just kinda funny that i hadn’t realized it before but every time we talk either you or I point out that normal this is something I would never disclose to anyone. Ever. And I’m stupid for not realizing it before. I’ve been doing this whole... emotionally attached journey for a little while now I guess, and it’s sorta sucked, but I have realized something good about it. I finally get to more emotionally attached to you. And I don’t mean that like I was never before. That’s completely untrue. You’re the closest person to me outside of family (and I would say it’s comparable, but family is just a different kind of bond, and I know you get that so I don’t have to explain that) and have been... probably forever. Including the years before 8th grade, which is kinda sad once I think about it.... But I don’t know, I don’t want to say I’ve been afraid of rejection, it’s not like that, but I guess I’ve always had a sorta wall. I wish I could think of the word for it but I can’t. I guess I was afraid of the bits I share people won’t accept. Not that I’ll get rejected but just not all of me was what people wanted to know. And it’s kinda silly, with romantic relationships, I know that happens, like those little things that get you about your companion, I get that. It just happens. And I guess I realized that happens in relationships in friendship. But I never wanted that. But I know it’s unavoidable. I know there are probably a lot of things that bug my friends about me, but now i know it’s okay. Those things are actually good in a sense. If my mother didn’t drive me crazy, she wouldn’t be the woman that’s my mother, and that would be a terrible terrible thing. I love her for her and her flaws, even if they drive me up the wall. And I only thought those sort of flaws that make the person you love only happened in romantic relationships. Silly I know.
But I guess what I’m sorta trying to say is that, I never wanted that with my friendships so I never disclosed most of the things in my mind. But now that I find that I’m more emotionally invested I can disclose things to you. There’s still a lot I haven’t told you, and its not like I’m trying to keep secrets (trust me, I have no secrets worth keeping), it’s just hard. But I’m getting better. Geez where am I going with this. I’m just so grateful that I have you. I never thought I’d have a friend that I could ever be so invested in, and that’s lonely and scared me for a really long time. I’ve always said I’m independent, but I get lonely, more often than people might realized. Its my own fault but still. I just appreciate that I have you for a best friend. I appreciate that you stuck through with my insensitive self (I’m still working on it).
I always say you’re lucky that I’m telling you that and I’m not sure it conveys what I really mean. You’re not lucky, like oh, you earned the right to hear this, or you get to hear something from Marcy, you lucky person, you. No. Not at all. And the amazing thing is, you’re an amazing person and probably already understand this, but I’ve always been jealous of people who can just share their souls with other people. It’s something that I know doesn’t come around often and is very special. I’m not saying you're lucky because you’re hearing something from me, but you’re that person that someone can share things with, no mater what they are. You’re a true friend. You’re lucky. Not so much you’re lucky as you’re just a wonderful person. I know I’m lucky that I can be that for you, and it makes me sad that we haven’t really been able to be that way with each other.
I guess that’s just what I wanted to say really. Is that I appreciate you so much. You don’t even know. Honestly, when it comes to this emotion thing, you’re probably the best person I got to look towards. And I know it hurts you a lot of the time, and I know right now you’re really feeling it, but I know that’s also where you find so much happiness, and I really look up to that.
I really don’t know what I was trying to say, but I hope you found the point in there somewhere, but basically Thank you.
Love, ~Marcy Elaine.
So I didn’t realize this really till after we talked, and it’s probably best that I did because I wouldn’t be able to say it anyway.
But it’s just kinda funny that i hadn’t realized it before but every time we talk either you or I point out that normal this is something I would never disclose to anyone. Ever. And I’m stupid for not realizing it before. I’ve been doing this whole... emotionally attached journey for a little while now I guess, and it’s sorta sucked, but I have realized something good about it. I finally get to more emotionally attached to you. And I don’t mean that like I was never before. That’s completely untrue. You’re the closest person to me outside of family (and I would say it’s comparable, but family is just a different kind of bond, and I know you get that so I don’t have to explain that) and have been... probably forever. Including the years before 8th grade, which is kinda sad once I think about it.... But I don’t know, I don’t want to say I’ve been afraid of rejection, it’s not like that, but I guess I’ve always had a sorta wall. I wish I could think of the word for it but I can’t. I guess I was afraid of the bits I share people won’t accept. Not that I’ll get rejected but just not all of me was what people wanted to know. And it’s kinda silly, with romantic relationships, I know that happens, like those little things that get you about your companion, I get that. It just happens. And I guess I realized that happens in relationships in friendship. But I never wanted that. But I know it’s unavoidable. I know there are probably a lot of things that bug my friends about me, but now i know it’s okay. Those things are actually good in a sense. If my mother didn’t drive me crazy, she wouldn’t be the woman that’s my mother, and that would be a terrible terrible thing. I love her for her and her flaws, even if they drive me up the wall. And I only thought those sort of flaws that make the person you love only happened in romantic relationships. Silly I know.
But I guess what I’m sorta trying to say is that, I never wanted that with my friendships so I never disclosed most of the things in my mind. But now that I find that I’m more emotionally invested I can disclose things to you. There’s still a lot I haven’t told you, and its not like I’m trying to keep secrets (trust me, I have no secrets worth keeping), it’s just hard. But I’m getting better. Geez where am I going with this. I’m just so grateful that I have you. I never thought I’d have a friend that I could ever be so invested in, and that’s lonely and scared me for a really long time. I’ve always said I’m independent, but I get lonely, more often than people might realized. Its my own fault but still. I just appreciate that I have you for a best friend. I appreciate that you stuck through with my insensitive self (I’m still working on it).
I always say you’re lucky that I’m telling you that and I’m not sure it conveys what I really mean. You’re not lucky, like oh, you earned the right to hear this, or you get to hear something from Marcy, you lucky person, you. No. Not at all. And the amazing thing is, you’re an amazing person and probably already understand this, but I’ve always been jealous of people who can just share their souls with other people. It’s something that I know doesn’t come around often and is very special. I’m not saying you're lucky because you’re hearing something from me, but you’re that person that someone can share things with, no mater what they are. You’re a true friend. You’re lucky. Not so much you’re lucky as you’re just a wonderful person. I know I’m lucky that I can be that for you, and it makes me sad that we haven’t really been able to be that way with each other.
I guess that’s just what I wanted to say really. Is that I appreciate you so much. You don’t even know. Honestly, when it comes to this emotion thing, you’re probably the best person I got to look towards. And I know it hurts you a lot of the time, and I know right now you’re really feeling it, but I know that’s also where you find so much happiness, and I really look up to that.
I really don’t know what I was trying to say, but I hope you found the point in there somewhere, but basically Thank you.
Love, ~Marcy Elaine.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Marcy's most recent romantic endeavors
Crappy picture taken with my phone, I'll post a nicer version some other time
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Been sorta neglecting this page
So this is me not neglecting this page.
~Marcy Elaine
(I just wanted to use that picture)
~Marcy Elaine
(I just wanted to use that picture)
Thursday, September 13, 2012
I'm posting this to make me feel better
I think it's working...
Made it today real quick, based off a comic I did. Look. I animated! It's not very good, I'm just excited you can tell he's sneezing~Marcy Elaine
I don't know dude
I was tired but in an okay mood, and my mom just got home and all the sudden I'm in a 'I hate the world and everyone in it mood'. Maybe my mom's picked up some chemical that drives me crazy when she's near. Either way, it can't be good for my health.
~Marcy Elaine
~Marcy Elaine
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Can we just take a moment
And talk about how sexy of an instrument the trumpet is?
Like seriously, you don't think about it usually, but holy freakin cow. Trumpets are sexy. I mean, I decided this a couple of years back, but I was recently reminded of this fact.
Trumpets and be really energetic, loud, exciting instrument, but they can also be soft and sultry. It's also one of those golden instruments that's not to overly used (like the piano or guitar or drums) that has such a specific sound and can still be incorporated in so many different genres flawlessly.
You wanna know the reason I find the trumpet sexy?
Herb Alpert
Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass
I love them so much. And I bet you've heard at least one of his songs without realizing it. Like he did so many songs for the Dating game. Whipped Cream (x), Ladyfingers (x), Lemon Tree (x), Spanish flea (x). All used in the Dating game. And then you have songs like the Lonely bull (x) and Marching through Madrid (x) and the Mexican Shuffle (x), that are so Latin but yet, I would consider this some real American music and ugh, I don't know, I don't even, I love the songs so much for some reason. He's also did Love Potion #9 (x). I mean, he had a whole album of songs named after food called Whipped Cream and Other Delights. How cool is that? He did some music for James Bond Casino Royale (the original) (x). Not to mention I think he was very handsome when he was younger.
But that's besides the point haha.
But yeah. I just wanted to say I love the trumpet and this guy's music. I had to tell someone, and you're the only person I can think of who might actually appreciate to a degree.
But yeah
Trumpets
They are sexy.
That is all.
DFTBA
~Marcy Elaine
Like seriously, you don't think about it usually, but holy freakin cow. Trumpets are sexy. I mean, I decided this a couple of years back, but I was recently reminded of this fact.
Trumpets and be really energetic, loud, exciting instrument, but they can also be soft and sultry. It's also one of those golden instruments that's not to overly used (like the piano or guitar or drums) that has such a specific sound and can still be incorporated in so many different genres flawlessly.
You wanna know the reason I find the trumpet sexy?
Herb Alpert
Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass
I love them so much. And I bet you've heard at least one of his songs without realizing it. Like he did so many songs for the Dating game. Whipped Cream (x), Ladyfingers (x), Lemon Tree (x), Spanish flea (x). All used in the Dating game. And then you have songs like the Lonely bull (x) and Marching through Madrid (x) and the Mexican Shuffle (x), that are so Latin but yet, I would consider this some real American music and ugh, I don't know, I don't even, I love the songs so much for some reason. He's also did Love Potion #9 (x). I mean, he had a whole album of songs named after food called Whipped Cream and Other Delights. How cool is that? He did some music for James Bond Casino Royale (the original) (x). Not to mention I think he was very handsome when he was younger.
But that's besides the point haha.
But yeah. I just wanted to say I love the trumpet and this guy's music. I had to tell someone, and you're the only person I can think of who might actually appreciate to a degree.
But yeah
Trumpets
They are sexy.
That is all.
DFTBA
~Marcy Elaine
Saturday, August 18, 2012
So as you already know...
I sorta highlighted my hair today. I did not wake up and think I would be doing this but hey, that's life I guess haha.
So I was in my room, eating breakfast and checking my tumblr (it's part of my routine in the morning. Eat cereal while checking tumblr). And my mom is in the hall (and my door is closed by they way) and starts talking to me through the door.
Mom: Hey Marcy?
Me: Yeah?
Mom: Wanna highlight your hair?
Me: ...say what?
Mom: I was highlighting my hair and I have extra stuff.
Me: uh... okay?
Mom: C'mon let's highlight it.
Me: ... Are you sure?
Mom: Yeah, c'mon.
Now, you have to understand, this is a pretty big deal. It may not seem like one but it is haha. First off, I've never EVER dyed my hair before. I like the color too much. There have actually been a few days I've thought of dying it because it got really dark, but when I whenever I get close to really thinking about doing it, my hair does something awesome haha. And secondly, I'm not all that attached to my hair. I mean... you have to be pretty detached to your hair if you start hacking it yourself with no experience and no real care for the end result, like I've been doing for... 4 years. (wow I hadn't realized I've been doing it for that long... oh my gosh... I'm a sophmore in college O.O ) Anywho. But my mom on the other hand, she is suprisingly defensive about my hair. When I started cutting it, she was kind enough to let me do it, (acutally, I'm kinda surprised she let me continue doing it), but she'd always complain after I said I did it. But it got to a point where I actually (in mine and other's opinions) got pretty good at it and I'd wait for her to compliment my hair until I said I'd cut it again (my logic is flawless c; ) And as for dying my hair, whenever its brought up she'd say she'd never let me dye her hair (okay, not those words exactly) because she didn't want to lose my color. If there is one thing I've always liked about myself, it's my hair color. Let's be honest, I got pretty much every color in there and I'm still blonde: it is kinda cool. But either way, me and mom haven't been real satisfied with how dark my hair has been getting. So I guess that's part of the reason my mom wanted to highlight my hair.
But my mom... she's not a real spur of the moment kind of person.
You know how I've been dying to get my mom up to Idiho with my grandma so I can just have a break. Well she got back two days ago, and we've been getting along... really well actually. Not to say we butt heads before but I've actually been enjoying her company. And then she wants to do my hair. Not to mention after I washed it I went outside to show her (because my hair was still wet and it was super blonde) while she was blow drying her hair (she was blow drying it outside because we're going through a heat wave and we've been trying to keep it cool in the house) and she wanted to see it dry so she just started blow drying it for me. It felt really nice haha. So I guess she needed a vacation as much as I did. Hopefully this lasts.
Wow. Tangent.
Either way. This is a big deal.
It didn't come out the way my mom wanted to but she likes the way it looks (she's even planned on how we should do it next time). I really like it. I wish I had a larger chunk on my bangs, but I really do think it looks good. It's a little edgy but still subtle and not obnoxious. Just the way I like it c:
Here are some pictures (you saw two of them before, but I'm putting them up here anyway)
So I was in my room, eating breakfast and checking my tumblr (it's part of my routine in the morning. Eat cereal while checking tumblr). And my mom is in the hall (and my door is closed by they way) and starts talking to me through the door.
Mom: Hey Marcy?
Me: Yeah?
Mom: Wanna highlight your hair?
Me: ...say what?
Mom: I was highlighting my hair and I have extra stuff.
Me: uh... okay?
Mom: C'mon let's highlight it.
Me: ... Are you sure?
Mom: Yeah, c'mon.
Now, you have to understand, this is a pretty big deal. It may not seem like one but it is haha. First off, I've never EVER dyed my hair before. I like the color too much. There have actually been a few days I've thought of dying it because it got really dark, but when I whenever I get close to really thinking about doing it, my hair does something awesome haha. And secondly, I'm not all that attached to my hair. I mean... you have to be pretty detached to your hair if you start hacking it yourself with no experience and no real care for the end result, like I've been doing for... 4 years. (wow I hadn't realized I've been doing it for that long... oh my gosh... I'm a sophmore in college O.O ) Anywho. But my mom on the other hand, she is suprisingly defensive about my hair. When I started cutting it, she was kind enough to let me do it, (acutally, I'm kinda surprised she let me continue doing it), but she'd always complain after I said I did it. But it got to a point where I actually (in mine and other's opinions) got pretty good at it and I'd wait for her to compliment my hair until I said I'd cut it again (my logic is flawless c; ) And as for dying my hair, whenever its brought up she'd say she'd never let me dye her hair (okay, not those words exactly) because she didn't want to lose my color. If there is one thing I've always liked about myself, it's my hair color. Let's be honest, I got pretty much every color in there and I'm still blonde: it is kinda cool. But either way, me and mom haven't been real satisfied with how dark my hair has been getting. So I guess that's part of the reason my mom wanted to highlight my hair.
But my mom... she's not a real spur of the moment kind of person.
You know how I've been dying to get my mom up to Idiho with my grandma so I can just have a break. Well she got back two days ago, and we've been getting along... really well actually. Not to say we butt heads before but I've actually been enjoying her company. And then she wants to do my hair. Not to mention after I washed it I went outside to show her (because my hair was still wet and it was super blonde) while she was blow drying her hair (she was blow drying it outside because we're going through a heat wave and we've been trying to keep it cool in the house) and she wanted to see it dry so she just started blow drying it for me. It felt really nice haha. So I guess she needed a vacation as much as I did. Hopefully this lasts.
Wow. Tangent.
Either way. This is a big deal.
It didn't come out the way my mom wanted to but she likes the way it looks (she's even planned on how we should do it next time). I really like it. I wish I had a larger chunk on my bangs, but I really do think it looks good. It's a little edgy but still subtle and not obnoxious. Just the way I like it c:
Here are some pictures (you saw two of them before, but I'm putting them up here anyway)
I need to cut my bangsssss
So not the best quality pictures. But I think the last one shows off how it really looks the best.
But yeah... that's that (one of my silly life milestones, so I figured I'd talk about it haha)
Either way, I think I'm going to write some stupid stories because apparently my fingers really want to type. Dang. I didn't not mean to type so much.
oh well c:
DFTBA
~ Marcy Elaine (if it wasn't obvious)
P.S. My dad just complimented my hair for the second time c:
Monday, July 16, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
I don't Understand...
Kirsten Mathewson. I always seem to come back to talking about her idiocracy, don't I? I dunno, she just keeps supplying me with ammo against her. Here's what I don't understand today; If you preach so heavily about how important modesty is to you, and you talk down on others who are immodest, THEN WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU WEARING SHORT SHORTS AND BIKINIS AND TUBE TOPS.
...so thankful for this blog. I nearly put that on facebook.
...so thankful for this blog. I nearly put that on facebook.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
gah
I just feel not good enough. For my calling. And my job. And my boyfriend.
Why on earth do I feel this way.
And of course my first though is "just don't eat."
...tears
Why on earth do I feel this way.
And of course my first though is "just don't eat."
...tears
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Bleh
I hate this part of the semester. This is the part of the semester when I realize how much of a failure I am. And its sad, because I always blame other things, like I'm not smart or I dont get math but truth is I'm a slacker. I know I'm smart, not a genius, no, but I'm smarter then this. I could get straight A's if I tried, but thing is I don't. And I don't know why, but I can't bring myself to stop. My English teacher told me today I'm one of the most talent writers she had in the class and the my writing was so charming... but I needed to turn my work in. I think I'm getting a C, hopefully, she gives me a B-. I could have an A soo easily, but know, I'm dumb and I procrastinate, and waste my life. I don't know why... I just do. Now I'm in my Math 50 for the second time and my chances that I'll take it a third time or higher then I like. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being this way. Maybe this is the way an alcoholic feels when they can't stop drinking. I know that seems extreme but that's how it feels. It's practically programmed in me. I really need to get my act together. I always say that. But it never happens...
~Marcy Elaine
~Marcy Elaine
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Seriously.
Don't you LOVE those moments when you just look at yourself and you're just like.... DANG! I look GOOD!
I've been feeling pretty gorgeous all night. And it feels fabulous.
I blame a haircut and new mascara haha.
~ Marcy Elaine
I've been feeling pretty gorgeous all night. And it feels fabulous.
I blame a haircut and new mascara haha.
~ Marcy Elaine
Ugh
Cracked the screen on my phone yesterday big time.
Might have to wait a few paychecks for those aviators. Will keep you posted.
:'(
Might have to wait a few paychecks for those aviators. Will keep you posted.
:'(
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Today is a Lovely Day
Today is a lovely day for something wonderful to happen.
This morning, my squoosh received the Melchezidik priesthood. He's been working SO HARD for it, to be worthy of it. And this morning at 8:30, he got it.
Yesterday, at about 11:45, he texted me, feeling really down on himself. He told me that he didn't feel like he was enough; enough for the gospel, for his family, for his job, for me...he was just feeling extremely inadequit. And he just does that sometimes, he's always looking at the things he does wrong, instead of the things he does right, because he wants to fix the wrong things. But then he never sees the good things he does. So while trying to tell him that yes, he is enough, I just...started to cry.
Now I was at work. You DON'T just randomly start crying when you're the only girl at work, and every guy there is looking for a reason to tease you. And at first, I couldn't even pinpoint the reason that I was crying. And then it hit me. That the only time I cry is when I am feeling sorrow for someone that I care about. Remember the time that you cried in 8th grade, the day before Garret left for his mission? I went home and cried about it, becuase I didn't like that you were so sad and I couldn't do one single THING about it; I couldn't make him stay. I was helpless, and I'm not used to not being able to solve someone's problem.
I can't do a thing about Steve feeling down on himself. No matter how many sweet nothings I tell, no matter how many love notes I can write, no matter what I do, he is the only one that can work on that one. And it just made me so sad...that he was so sad.
As I write this I feel like it's just so simple, of course I'm sad when he's sad. But really, think about it...sorry for the mush, but I care about him SO MUCH, that when he is sad, I am feeling those same emotions. He was overjoyed this morning, as was I, because it is so GOOD to see him that way. And he has tried to hard, and he finally got it. I dunno Marc, I guess it's just hitting me, with these two experiences so close together, how much I just love that boy. He's my best friend. That, ya know, is a fantastic kisser. But he's my BEST. FRIEND. And next to you, of course :)
-Ashlynne Rose
This morning, my squoosh received the Melchezidik priesthood. He's been working SO HARD for it, to be worthy of it. And this morning at 8:30, he got it.
Yesterday, at about 11:45, he texted me, feeling really down on himself. He told me that he didn't feel like he was enough; enough for the gospel, for his family, for his job, for me...he was just feeling extremely inadequit. And he just does that sometimes, he's always looking at the things he does wrong, instead of the things he does right, because he wants to fix the wrong things. But then he never sees the good things he does. So while trying to tell him that yes, he is enough, I just...started to cry.
Now I was at work. You DON'T just randomly start crying when you're the only girl at work, and every guy there is looking for a reason to tease you. And at first, I couldn't even pinpoint the reason that I was crying. And then it hit me. That the only time I cry is when I am feeling sorrow for someone that I care about. Remember the time that you cried in 8th grade, the day before Garret left for his mission? I went home and cried about it, becuase I didn't like that you were so sad and I couldn't do one single THING about it; I couldn't make him stay. I was helpless, and I'm not used to not being able to solve someone's problem.
I can't do a thing about Steve feeling down on himself. No matter how many sweet nothings I tell, no matter how many love notes I can write, no matter what I do, he is the only one that can work on that one. And it just made me so sad...that he was so sad.
As I write this I feel like it's just so simple, of course I'm sad when he's sad. But really, think about it...sorry for the mush, but I care about him SO MUCH, that when he is sad, I am feeling those same emotions. He was overjoyed this morning, as was I, because it is so GOOD to see him that way. And he has tried to hard, and he finally got it. I dunno Marc, I guess it's just hitting me, with these two experiences so close together, how much I just love that boy. He's my best friend. That, ya know, is a fantastic kisser. But he's my BEST. FRIEND. And next to you, of course :)
-Ashlynne Rose
Monday, April 30, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
I Love My Dad
I'm up in my room, my dad's watching tv downstairs.
Dad: Hey Marce!~
Me: Yeah.
Dad: Are you smiling?
Me: Yeah, dad, I'm smiling.
Dad: Good
I'm smiling because you made me smile c:
-Marcy Elaine
Dad: Hey Marce!~
Me: Yeah.
Dad: Are you smiling?
Me: Yeah, dad, I'm smiling.
Dad: Good
I'm smiling because you made me smile c:
-Marcy Elaine
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Predicament...
So, I'm in an open relationship. Essentially, we can go on dates with other people. It's easier to handle, since he's going to be leaving on his mission before the year ends. Probably by fall. So, there's a guy in my Institute class named Drew. He looks like David Archuleta, just hotter. And David is on his mission. Drew is already back home. Anyways, so Drew asked me if I wanted to get ice cream with him this Saturday, and so I said yes. S.R.E. has been telling me to go on a date anyways. This is good.
...Ok, I KNOW that I have talked about S.R.E. in class before, or at least before. It's a small class, only nine people. We are like a family, we're all really close. And...I dunno, I just hope that Drew was paying attention to that. Becuase I don't know how to non-chalantly bring up the fact that hey, guess what, I have a boyfriend who is 6'3 and he ballroom dances, and cooks me lunch while serenading me shirtless.
Just KIDDING, he wears clothes :P
No but really, I legitamently hope that Drew knows that. Becuase he's a sweet guy. And I don't want to hurt him by getting to the end of the date and have him be like "so you're absolutely fabulous and I'm falling in love with you." More or less. And then I'll be like "That's cool..." AWKWARD PAUSE.
Marcy...what do I DO?!
-Ashlynne Rose
...Ok, I KNOW that I have talked about S.R.E. in class before, or at least before. It's a small class, only nine people. We are like a family, we're all really close. And...I dunno, I just hope that Drew was paying attention to that. Becuase I don't know how to non-chalantly bring up the fact that hey, guess what, I have a boyfriend who is 6'3 and he ballroom dances, and cooks me lunch while serenading me shirtless.
Just KIDDING, he wears clothes :P
No but really, I legitamently hope that Drew knows that. Becuase he's a sweet guy. And I don't want to hurt him by getting to the end of the date and have him be like "so you're absolutely fabulous and I'm falling in love with you." More or less. And then I'll be like "That's cool..." AWKWARD PAUSE.
Marcy...what do I DO?!
-Ashlynne Rose
2 Months
My Squoosh and I have been officially together for 2 months, as of yesterday. It feels like it has been so much longer, like I have known him forever. Of course, I have known him since my Sophomore year, but it feels like we have been lovers for so much longer. He is honestly the first guy that I have ever been with that actually makes me better, makes me want to be a better person. So that I can be worthy to be with him.
And the best part?
He feels like he has to do the same.
So really, we just keep getting more awesome because of each other. It's a perfect gig.
I got called to be on Institute Council last night :) Shhh, don't tell anymore. I haven't been officially set apart or anything, but yeah. It's basically like Seminary Council, one person from each stake, 12-14 people, to be on a council, except it's Institute instead.
I'm excited :) I know you'll be excited with me :)
-Ashlynne Rose
And the best part?
He feels like he has to do the same.
So really, we just keep getting more awesome because of each other. It's a perfect gig.
I got called to be on Institute Council last night :) Shhh, don't tell anymore. I haven't been officially set apart or anything, but yeah. It's basically like Seminary Council, one person from each stake, 12-14 people, to be on a council, except it's Institute instead.
I'm excited :) I know you'll be excited with me :)
-Ashlynne Rose
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Heels
My mom just complained that my 4 inch heels are way to high. And yet I heard nothing from her about my 5 1/2 inch heels. Someone explain this to me.
-Marcy
-Marcy
Monday, April 16, 2012
Voss
I got sparkling norwegian water at Harmon's today, only becuase the bottle is glass and looks super cool.
I'm getting sushi with my squoosh in like, 2 minutes.
He's pretty hot.
I'm getting sushi with my squoosh in like, 2 minutes.
He's pretty hot.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
There's this girl named Kaitlyn Hall and she has 378 profile pictures, and thousands of other pictures on her facebook. She is quite literally the hardest person to facebook stalk becuase you get bored after about 25 minutes of 58 pictures of Lake Tahoe and awkward girls camp pictures and 'he's not my boyfriend, I promise.' She's one of those girls that photoshops ALL HER PICTURES.
We all know your eyes are brown. Not blue. So stop pretending they're aqua-marine.
Sorry, I know that is so shallow to say. But I've WANTED to say it for the past three years.
I love this blog.
We all know your eyes are brown. Not blue. So stop pretending they're aqua-marine.
Sorry, I know that is so shallow to say. But I've WANTED to say it for the past three years.
I love this blog.
Les Mis
The fool that 'One Day More' was at the end of the musical. Dude, it's in the middle right before intermission.
Shows how much he knew. What a blasted idiot.
K.F.F.
Shows how much he knew. What a blasted idiot.
K.F.F.
I hate for this to be my first post...
But I just have to say something. Real quick, won't take too long.
So once upon a time I dated this guy. And we will refer to him as K.F.F. I really shouldn't have, I wasn't happy with him. At about the halfway point in our odd relationship, he went on a trip to New York for a week. And I texted him every day, telling him that I hoped he was having a good time, or to say good night, or good morning, or just to say 'I love you..' I had honestly kinda hoped he would call me, at least once or twice. Since we had been together for 3 months or so, I guess I just expected something like that to happen. It was the first time we were that far away from each other.
Well, he didn't call. He didn't text me back, either. But I knew he had his phone on him, because on his facebook, there were all these mobile updates and uploaded pictures from his fancy little android. At first I made up excuses, like maybe he didn't reply because he was flying, and the flight attendant told every to "please be considerate and turn off your cellular phones for take off." Or maybe he was just talking with his brother and didn't want to reply right that minute.
But do you understand how blasted easy it is to just text your girlfriend at the end of the day, before you go to sleep, to say good night I love you? It's pretty simple. Just saying. So he didn't talk to me at all that entire week that he was gone and I was just dying inside. I remember I cried that Sunday, because I didn't even know when he was coming back. That's how little we were communicating. But don't worry, the minute he pulled up to my house the next day, I was over it.
I was so pathetic.
The end.
So now I have another boyfriend. S.R.E. And he is debatably the most amazing guy I've ever been with. I could go on and on about him. But for right now, I won't. Because he's bugging me. Because he went down to SUU for the weekend, where he went to school for a semester or so last year, for a ballroom invitational. And I am happy for him. that he's going and seeing his old friends and having a good time dancing, doing what he loves to do. I'm. Happy. For. Him.
OK?!
And we've been texting, and talking, and he said he would call me last night. And I kept my phone on my person the entire night last night waiting for him to call. And then at 11:32 he texted me good night. And...I mean, I'm sorry, I feel like such a sucky girlfriend right now for letting that bug me so much, but it just did. Is that ridiculous?
I don't even know when he's getting back in town.
And I don't want to be that girlfriend that calls him when he's in the middle of having an awesome time with all of his college friends and then he's like "Oh, sorry guys, my girlfriend's calling. Just gimme a minute." No. I don't want to be that girl.
But I do want to be the girl that gets a call from her boy, and he's with all his friends, and he says "Hey guys, just gimme a minute, I'm gonna call my girl."
Marcy, am I stupid right now?
So once upon a time I dated this guy. And we will refer to him as K.F.F. I really shouldn't have, I wasn't happy with him. At about the halfway point in our odd relationship, he went on a trip to New York for a week. And I texted him every day, telling him that I hoped he was having a good time, or to say good night, or good morning, or just to say 'I love you..' I had honestly kinda hoped he would call me, at least once or twice. Since we had been together for 3 months or so, I guess I just expected something like that to happen. It was the first time we were that far away from each other.
Well, he didn't call. He didn't text me back, either. But I knew he had his phone on him, because on his facebook, there were all these mobile updates and uploaded pictures from his fancy little android. At first I made up excuses, like maybe he didn't reply because he was flying, and the flight attendant told every to "please be considerate and turn off your cellular phones for take off." Or maybe he was just talking with his brother and didn't want to reply right that minute.
But do you understand how blasted easy it is to just text your girlfriend at the end of the day, before you go to sleep, to say good night I love you? It's pretty simple. Just saying. So he didn't talk to me at all that entire week that he was gone and I was just dying inside. I remember I cried that Sunday, because I didn't even know when he was coming back. That's how little we were communicating. But don't worry, the minute he pulled up to my house the next day, I was over it.
I was so pathetic.
The end.
So now I have another boyfriend. S.R.E. And he is debatably the most amazing guy I've ever been with. I could go on and on about him. But for right now, I won't. Because he's bugging me. Because he went down to SUU for the weekend, where he went to school for a semester or so last year, for a ballroom invitational. And I am happy for him. that he's going and seeing his old friends and having a good time dancing, doing what he loves to do. I'm. Happy. For. Him.
OK?!
And we've been texting, and talking, and he said he would call me last night. And I kept my phone on my person the entire night last night waiting for him to call. And then at 11:32 he texted me good night. And...I mean, I'm sorry, I feel like such a sucky girlfriend right now for letting that bug me so much, but it just did. Is that ridiculous?
I don't even know when he's getting back in town.
And I don't want to be that girlfriend that calls him when he's in the middle of having an awesome time with all of his college friends and then he's like "Oh, sorry guys, my girlfriend's calling. Just gimme a minute." No. I don't want to be that girl.
But I do want to be the girl that gets a call from her boy, and he's with all his friends, and he says "Hey guys, just gimme a minute, I'm gonna call my girl."
Marcy, am I stupid right now?
Friday, April 13, 2012
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