Today is a lovely day for something wonderful to happen.
This morning, my squoosh received the Melchezidik priesthood. He's been working SO HARD for it, to be worthy of it. And this morning at 8:30, he got it.
Yesterday, at about 11:45, he texted me, feeling really down on himself. He told me that he didn't feel like he was enough; enough for the gospel, for his family, for his job, for me...he was just feeling extremely inadequit. And he just does that sometimes, he's always looking at the things he does wrong, instead of the things he does right, because he wants to fix the wrong things. But then he never sees the good things he does. So while trying to tell him that yes, he is enough, I just...started to cry.
Now I was at work. You DON'T just randomly start crying when you're the only girl at work, and every guy there is looking for a reason to tease you. And at first, I couldn't even pinpoint the reason that I was crying. And then it hit me. That the only time I cry is when I am feeling sorrow for someone that I care about. Remember the time that you cried in 8th grade, the day before Garret left for his mission? I went home and cried about it, becuase I didn't like that you were so sad and I couldn't do one single THING about it; I couldn't make him stay. I was helpless, and I'm not used to not being able to solve someone's problem.
I can't do a thing about Steve feeling down on himself. No matter how many sweet nothings I tell, no matter how many love notes I can write, no matter what I do, he is the only one that can work on that one. And it just made me so sad...that he was so sad.
As I write this I feel like it's just so simple, of course I'm sad when he's sad. But really, think about it...sorry for the mush, but I care about him SO MUCH, that when he is sad, I am feeling those same emotions. He was overjoyed this morning, as was I, because it is so GOOD to see him that way. And he has tried to hard, and he finally got it. I dunno Marc, I guess it's just hitting me, with these two experiences so close together, how much I just love that boy. He's my best friend. That, ya know, is a fantastic kisser. But he's my BEST. FRIEND. And next to you, of course :)
-Ashlynne Rose
c:
ReplyDeleteI understand where your coming from, being upset you can't do anything. It happens to me all the time. I actually brought up the 8th experience because I was saying it was like the only time outside you really seen me cry because I was sad. I didn't know you cried after. It sounds weird to say, but that kind of makes me happy. That I had a friend that could cry for me. As for the getting down on himself... he sounds a lot like you! haha but I'm glad you've been able to grow into the person where you can just say, "Stop. I'm fabulous." hahah But I'm so happy he could get the Melchezidik priesthood ( I taught my class about that today c: ) And you have no IDEA how happy I am that you have someone who can be your bestfriend and a great kisser, because heaven knows, I aint going to be that best friend haha. But it really does make me happy c:
And as for the mushness. Oh shut up. This blog is suppose to be full of mushness.
(just fyi, spell it like Marce, not Marc; Desiree is really sensitive about that nickname hahah)
don't worry about the whole being happy about my sadness, I get what you're saying. You know I care about you, so much, just the fact that I cared this much in 8th grade may have been a surprise. That's why I said it :) And I AM fabulous. It just took me a lil bit to figure it out. He and I are pretty alike, huh? And thank you for the clarification, I shall spell accurately from this point forth. I'm happy that you are happy for him with me :) :)
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