You know that sick feeling...

You get after you talk to someone or think about something when you realize you're not really apart of their lives? Like sure, you're friends, maybe super good friends. But you will never know what's going on in their head. Know how they really feel. You never really know a whole lot about them. They'd have to pour their whole hearts out to you, and let's face that, that rarely happens, and if it did, it take months; there's just so much to a person. You're just their entertainment. And they're just yours. And the worst part is that it sticks. And you just feel like the loneliest person alive. And all you really want is to cuddle with someone, and make it all better. But they probably don't even understand. And that feeling doesn't really go away, you just forget it for a while.
I get stuck with that feeling more often than I'd like to, or ever admit. And it kills me. I know we joke about me not being very emotional, but that's mainly because I can't handle emotion. It... kills me, you have no idea...
But you know, I find if I ever have that feeling I wonder on to here, and I actually feel better. And it's not like it's because we can read each other's mind, or really get each other's existence (heavens, I hardly get mine). But I'm comfortable with this. The way we are. I know you're my best friend, and I'm yours. We're more than entertainment to each other (not that that isn't included). And that's... really a relaxing feeling. Not so lonely :)

look what I found whilst scanning the women's apparel tag

I had an epiphany about you

While drinking Dr. Pepper no less.

So I was thinking about this girl that I sit next to in class, and she's not attractive, by any world standards. She's a little quiet. Once I've talked to her, I found she was fun to talk to, you know funny. But she's sort of the type you expect to live with cats for the rest of her life. But she is actually engaged. Well... more like married without the license. They have been in a relationship for awhile. By all means, I'm pretty positive her fiance isn't a model, but you know she has someone who loves her and someone she loves back.

And gosh dang it I find that frustrating. Don't get me wrong. Like... you go girl! But I think I'm mildly attractive (maybe not terribly beautiful, but I'm certainly not ugly).  And, geez, I may be a tough nut sometimes, but I think I have a pretty nice personality. At least I think I'm funny...

So I was thinking about that and stuff...

And then I started thinking about you.

I'm pretty sure you are the dating queen.

So I was trying to think, why you can get dates with models and bums alike. Ashlynne, by all means you are GORGEOUS, but I don't think I'll see you on sport's illustrated any time soon. And you do have an extraordinary personality. But I was just thinking, why is it... guys are comfortable with you, no matter what kind of dude they are. Less face it. You've dated down... You've dated down a lot. But you've also dated up (... I think... I can only think of the model, and he was a jerk). Generally, guys don't go after girls that look like you when they aren't really lookers themselves.

Now, I understand, part of it is just environment, and the way the boys are grown there. But seriously, it's a little ridiculous.

But then it dawned on me

You have a girlfriend personality.

You have that certain personality, outlook, and everything, is just... everything a guy initially looks for in a girlfriend. Like seriously Ash, think about it. It's true. You are extraordinarily pretty, but it isn't overwhelming (all the time c; ) and doesn't take over your personality. Because your personality just shines through, and you're just... exactly a guy would expect in a first in relationship. Your genetic make up makes you that perfect in between of fantasy, reality, and expectations.

YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND PERSONALITY.

Which... could be good or bad, for so many reasons, but... I'm feeling a bit better about myself honestly, haha. So... I think it's because I have a mom personality. Guys don't want to date a mom haha. Eventually they'll realize in the end mommy personality is the sexyest (hahah) but I don't think I'm gonna be finding those guys at this age, and probably not for awhile.
Just... thought I'd share that with you.

Don't judge me

It's not a very good gif, I just sort worked on one things and added more later (which is dumb and complicated) Still need to add stuff (like, I don't know, breathing) but yeah. There's that.

Destination: Beautiful

some info for the vinyl here
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annnd... here
http://spartanrecords.limitedrun.com/products/512107