You get after you talk to someone or think about something when you realize you're not really apart of their lives? Like sure, you're friends, maybe super good friends. But you will never know what's going on in their head. Know how they really feel. You never really know a whole lot about them. They'd have to pour their whole hearts out to you, and let's face that, that rarely happens, and if it did, it take months; there's just so much to a person. You're just their entertainment. And they're just yours. And the worst part is that it sticks. And you just feel like the loneliest person alive. And all you really want is to cuddle with someone, and make it all better. But they probably don't even understand. And that feeling doesn't really go away, you just forget it for a while.
I get stuck with that feeling more often than I'd like to, or ever admit. And it kills me. I know we joke about me not being very emotional, but that's mainly because I can't handle emotion. It... kills me, you have no idea...
But you know, I find if I ever have that feeling I wonder on to here, and I actually feel better. And it's not like it's because we can read each other's mind, or really get each other's existence (heavens, I hardly get mine). But I'm comfortable with this. The way we are. I know you're my best friend, and I'm yours. We're more than entertainment to each other (not that that isn't included). And that's... really a relaxing feeling. Not so lonely :)
Um YES I know this feeling all too well, believe it or not. As of late I just feel so blasted lonely, Marcy, I just want to cry all the time. And I just keep myself going by telling myself that you'll be here soon, my best friend will finally be here, for good, for the first time in nearly 5 years. I need you as much as you need me, and I love that.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is, you and I have always had this really comfortable relationship. We can blasted All Time Low in the car together and not judge each other for saying damn (gasp!), we can sit in one of our bedrooms and write in our seperate notebooks and not care that we're not talking, and we can have the most heartfelt creations that God has ever been able to sit in at, and those are all very uncommon things to find in the same friendship. We are so blessed to have each other! I love that I have a friend that I am just comfortable with. That I am not constantly searching for something to talk about to fill the loud silence, or worry about them not getting my taste in music, or telling me what I want to hear when I ask for their opinion vs. what they really think.
What the heck would I even do without you?!