Epiphany

okay so I actually had this thought awhile ago after I was complaining to you about my mom (I don't remember what it was about, but I'm pretty sure I said "shit" so it was something upsetting) and not being able to do anything right in this house. I wish I wrote it down then because I forgot half of my thought process, but that's besides the point. So I was all pissy about the way my mom treats me.
But than I realized, I do the exact same thing to her.
I always complain how I can't do anything right in her eyes... but haven' I've been doing the exact same thing to her? If she goes in one direction of parenting, she's not doing it right, if she goes into another, she's not doing it right. I realized that I am doing to my mom exactly what she is doing to me. And I know it hurts me, but I can't even imagine what it does to her. And that's just wrong. And I've felt horrible about it.
It's just frustrating because it's so hard to change that mindset. But I'm working on it. But I honestly think I judge my mother too prematurely, and I really need to start changing that. I need to be more willing. She's not trying to be the bad guy. She's not trying to drive me crazy. She's trying to do what's best for me. And I just get so caught up that what she thinks is best and what I think is best are two different things. It's hard, but I'm sincerely going to try.
I'm hoping me and my dad can get lights on the trees outside before my mom gets back from bakersfield. we don't decorate our house. We sometimes do the palm trees, but I wanted to do all the trees, I think it would look great. So she's letting me. And I just want to show her I appreciate that. And also, it's a nice thing to come home to.
~Marcy Elaine